Walter Trobisch:
The Meaning of Sex 

Jean Banyolak:
My Wife Has Lost Interest in Sex

The Meaning of Sex

One couple describes intercourse this way. I’m quoting from the book Love is All: Conversations of a Husband and a Wife with God! by Dr. and Mrs. Joseph Bird.

We made love last night,

and today is new,

brand new and alive. …

We made love and everything was re-created. …

We talked,

we laughed,

and we prayed together with our bodies.

And You were so very present.

It’s then that You always are,

especially then.

Our closeness to each other

Increases and makes more alive

Our closeness to You. …

And this morning?

This morning is sunrise,

and growing things,

and feelings of anticipation.

Today is new, brand new and alive,

and the spiral of our love-making goes on,

drawing us together upward,

toward You.[1]

After a recent lecture, I talked with many of you. When I was sitting in the plane and reflecting on these thoughts—the suffering that was conveyed to me and the tears that were shed—I thought there must be a tremendous, deep misunderstanding or ignorance of what the sexual union is all about. This is why I have chosen the subject, “The Meaning of Intercourse.”

When I talk about it, I talk about it as a Christian. When I talk about this subject as a Christian, I have to start with a confession of guilt—which we Christians have loaded upon ourselves because most of us have a broken relationship to the body. All of us, or most of us, still cling to the philosophy that goes back to Plato, which connects the things of the spirit with God. The material, the physical things, we connect with something far away from God, if not sinful, at least dirty.

This becomes very clear, for instance, when I talk to parents, about teaching their children sex education. This is a worldwide difficulty for Christians. It is not cultural. When I talk in Africa about this, they say, “Mr. Trobisch, this is something Europeans or Americans do. To us in Africa , this is taboo. We cannot talk about sexual matters.”

When I talk to American parents about these matters, they say, “Mr. Trobisch, you have lived too long in Africa . The Africans are closer to nature. They can do that.”

And might I ask you a question? Which one of you is actually satisfied with the sex education you got from your parents? Would you like your children to have something better?

Platonic thinking, which suggests that the body is not of God, is entirely unbiblical. The Bible has the highest respect for the body. It begins with the body (the body was created before the soul) and it ends with the body (resurrection) when all of us will receive a new body. The Bible makes this statement in I Corinthians 6:19-20: “Do you not know that the body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” (NIV)

I know Christian couples who pray together every night before they go to sleep, except when they have intercourse. Then they don’t pray. They have this feeling, “This is not really something which comes from God.” Something is wrong here. Maybe you realized and noticed this in the poem by Joseph and Lois Bird: “praying together with our bodies!”

Intercourse is a form of prayer—a form of adoration of the Creator. Maybe much of this confusion in the world today rests with us, because we Christians have not talked about it. Who else can talk about it if not we Christians?

That is why I have chosen this subject, because I want to make good this sin of omission. I want to apologize to all those who have suffered because of our silence. Insofar as the Christian ethic is true, and insofar as it conforms to the will of God, it is true for all men, because God is the father of all men regardless of whether they recognize this or not. It does not make any difference to the truth. And the truth of creation speaks for itself.

My Wife Has Lost Interest in Sex

AFRICANS WRITE ABOUT THEIR
SEXUAL PROBLEMS

ABEL: “My wife has lost interest in sex. We were married two years ago. In the beginning, everything was fine. At times my wife even invited me. I saw and felt that she was really happy. She never resisted my approaches. Sometimes she even hurried to lock the door so that we could be alone. Both of us felt completely satisfied after the act. But now everything has changed. She doesn’t invite me anymore. If I do, then her joy becomes sorrow. Sometimes she even gets nervous. She always sends me to lock the door and then she only gets half undressed. During the act, she makes faces. What shall I do?”

BENJAMIN: “Here’s my problem. My wife has become cold. What are the cures for frigidity?”

COLBERT: “My wife no longer arrives at an orgasm with me. I am 38 years old and she is 24. I am told that she runs after young men of her own age. This troubles me a lot. Wouldn’t it be wise for me to marry another woman?”

DANIEL: “My dear wife has started to lie to me. When I want to sleep with her, she sometimes tells me that she has her period or that she has a stomachache or a headache or her back hurts. When I bring her to the hospital for a checkup, each time the doctor says that she’s in good health. When she goes to the market to buy food or the well to fetch water early in the morning, she sometimes deceives me. This is the moment when she goes to other men. The disturbance of our sexual harmony began three months ago. What can I do?”

EDWARD: “Should one talk or be silent during the sex act? I had an argument with my wife about this last night. My colleagues are not sure what to answer. Every one of us has a different opinion.”

FREDERICK : “My spouse prefers to have the lights out during the act. Is this normal?”

WILLIAM: “As a close friend of yours, I am happy that you are now in Europe . How do they practice sex over there?”

ANNE: “I have a problem in my heart. I’m afraid to tell it to my husband, because I don’t dare to criticize him. I find him rather brutal when we love each other in the evening. How shall I tell him this?”

BERTHA: “I just read the book called I Loved a Girl. I understand now that my husband ejaculates too early. How can this be treated? Can I help him to hold back?”

CHRISTINE: “My husband runs after college girls. He tells me that they learn how to make love at school. I answered him that I also shall learn from the college boys how to make love. He got very angry and would have beaten me if I had not run away. I wait for your advice about this.”

ESTHER: “My husband demands that I yield to him every night. This is unbearable for me. When I tell him that this is too much he talks about marrying another woman. Tell me, how often is it normal for married couples to unite?”

FRANCES : “My husband never tells me beforehand when he wants to have intercourse. Sometimes, when I want to prepare the food, he calls me into the bedroom and undresses me. I’m afraid to criticize him, but this displeases me very much. Should a wife say no to her husband in this moment?”

GERTRUDE: “My husband goes to sleep very quickly after the sex act while I stay awake. He turns his back toward me and snores. This causes my satisfaction and joy to go away.”

MARIE: “My husband is really the first man to whom I gave myself. But when we had intercourse for the first time we couldn’t see any blood on the sheet. My husband reproaches me all the time that I wasn’t a virgin, because he found my hymen already ruptured. What can I tell him to prove to him that I really was a virgin?”

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